The Birthday part two

Around 3p.m. I still hadn't started having contractions and the hospital staff was wanting to start me on poticin. At the suggestion of my midwife, I start using a breast pump to produce oxytocin - to stimulate contractions, I really want to have this baby with minimal interventions.

But I wasn't really ready.  I wasn't sick of being pregnant yet.  I hadn't gotten so uncomfortable that I would rather go through labor than continue being pregnant and for so many reasons, I was scared.

Thankfully, the breast pump works and in less than two hours I'm having hard contractions, one on top of the other.  I'm so glad I didn't need extra meds. to get things going.

Things are happening fast and the baby is coming, the Doctor isn't there yet, but I wasn't going to wait, so another OB steps in to catch the baby. The baby comes out crying. It's a girl!  I am thrilled.  I had secretly hoped for a girl from the beginning.  I am so happy. In spite of the circumstances, everything is perfect. I start telling everyone in the delivery I had hoped for a girl. I feel so relieved, baby is here, crying. She's doing incredibly well for being so early. I'm happy I could deliver with minimal interventions.  Happy the baby's head was down. Happy to have avoided a c-section. Happy my midwife was there coaching me the whole time.  Happy someone was watching my other kids.  Happy my parents were getting ready to come and Happy my husband was by side.  I.could.not.be.happier!

But we weren't finished yet.  I just needed to deliver the placenta and then we would be done. This is the easy part, I thought to myself,  feeling more relaxed than I had in weeks.

Our doctor gets there to deliver the placenta. He's already in a bit of a mood, I find out later he really HATES to miss a delivery. I don't blame him.  He doesn't get paid if he doesn't catch the baby. Placenta is delivered and a nurse starts to clean it up to dispose of it and I say, "Leave that there, I want to look at it."  She apologizes. I like to see what the placenta and cord look like.

But, something was wrong.  The doctor doesn't react favorably, we're looking at the placenta and he reaches on top and tears open a little sac. I don't know what it is at first.  The Doctor doesn't say anything but he is really somber. I'm still confused but I start to put the pieces together.  I've never seen anything like this.

"Is that another baby?" I say. 

He doesn't respond and all the people who are waiting to clean up the messes and take the baby to Intensive Care grow quiet.  Time stands still.  We're all in shock.

It is another baby, but this baby didn't make it.  This baby was hidden, we had no idea we were carrying twins. 

I say something like, "It's OK, we didn't know."  Those words haunt me now.

They are trying to whisk the first baby off, and Ryan and I need time to process everything.  

The baby is all cleaned up and they hand her to me for a quick hold before they rush her off to the NICU.  

Someone takes this picture: 

It's not like any of the other pictures we've taken with our previous babies.

We went from such joy, and relief to complete shock, and confusion - within about 30 seconds.