Our sweet nurse had asked me if I wanted to have them come. At the time I told her I did not. I'm really not sure why, except that I didn't fully understand what they do.
I wish I had said yes, but I didn't know how much it would cost, so I said no. I found out this morning it would have been free..... I wish I had had them come take pictures, but I didn't and now I can't undo that.
However, we had the sweetest nurse that did take pictures of the baby we lost. She took pictures of her hands and feet and even dressed her in a tiny baby gown and itty bitty hat. I have those picture and I cherish them. I have the hat and the gown, too. I can't even express how much they mean to me.
I wish I had had "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep" come photograph our baby, but I am so thankful that our nurse took some very special pictures for us. I will forever cherish those.
My advice is TAKE PICTURES if you find yourself in this situation. And if you have a friend in this situation, gently encourage them to get photos, they won't regret it, but they will regret NOT doing it. Whether you do it, or your nurse or an organization like "NILMDTS" take pictures! You don't have to look at them all the time, and I don't. It's hard to look at them, but i'm glad I have them to remember our other little daughter.
I guess it isn't uncommon for people to be afraid they will forget the person they lost. I can relate to this, having pictures and a few mementos help.
A very thoughtful Aunt sent me a beautiful bracelet with the baby's name engraved on the back. The top says "forever" - this is one of those nice mementos. It does make me feel better to turn it over and see the baby's name.
Our nurse also made some hand prints and foot prints of the baby and for Mother's Day my husband gave me this:
I LOVE IT!
The smallest little hand is Ella's - our sweet little angel. One of the things her name means is "beautiful fairy" I think that is appropriate.
So sorry Traci! I wish I would have known then. I have a few photog friends who have and do volunteer for NILMDTS. Big hugs and love to you! And yes....keep writing. I have a few friends who have lost babies and I know that things like this are what have helped them. <3 Love you!
ReplyDeleteTraci - so very sorry! What a shock to have complete happiness and complete sadness all in one moment. I agree with your friend above - the more you can write and process the better you will be. I have had too many firends and family lose their sweet babies. My prayers will be with you and Ryan. Love,Kathie
ReplyDeleteTraci,I had no idea. Thanks for sharing. Sending lots of love your way. Hang in there. And keep writing. Love, Sara (Thomas) Clegg
ReplyDeleteTraci......I love you and your sweet family. My heart broke when Brandon told me what had happened. I can't believe its been over 2 months already. I appreciate that you are willing to share your story. It helps me better understand what you're going through. You are all in my constant thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteWe had pictures taken by a volunteer after a late miscarriage. They were mostly blurry and not especially well done, but it is nice to look at them sometimes, but mostly just nice to know we have them, even if they aren't very good. I always wished I would have taken some better pictures myself, especially of fingers and toes. Photography has come so far now...digital makes such a big difference and I think the people that do those things are great...going into the worst situations and having the judgment to create something you might not want at the time.... knowing that you will want it later.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad to hear about this group. My mother delivered a still-born baby girl in 1977. She was eight months along when the heartbeat stopped. We still don't know why. At that time, after my mother delivered, they didn't even let her see the baby. My father got a quick glimpse of a perfect, white, little body that the medical staff whisked away. When I became pregnant with our first child, my mother told me, "I don't want to scare you, but I want you to know if that ever happens to you, YOU MAKE THEM LET YOU SEE THAT BABY." I'm grateful to hear that the attitude towards babies who pass on before or just after birth has changed, and that other women will not suffer the kind of haunting feeling I think my mother has about my sister whom I never knew. Thank you for sharing your story, and information about this organization!
ReplyDeleteDear Traci, Christie Christiansen gave me your blog address and I have read the story that you have shared. You have done so beautifully and I hope that sharing your feelings on your blog will help you on this tender journey as you go forward. Writing out my thoughts gave me such clarity as I was going through a similar experience.
ReplyDeleteI too am raising one surviving twin that was lost to Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome. I too was undiagnosed until after it was too late (after delivery and loss), though we did know that we were carrying twins. Our little one was lost minute to hours before delivery at 28 weeks. We too were very shocked. We had no idea anything at all was wrong. I share your same regrets for not accepting the offer for NILMDTS and I too am very very very VERY glad that the nurse who cared for us took some pictures for us of our angel. They are among our most prized possessions. I completely understand how much you wanted to hold them in your arms together, just once, just as they had been together in your womb. I too missed out on that opportunity.
This is a crazy journey and I pray that you feel your daughter's love surrounding you as you continue to put one foot in front of the other. I'd truly love to be in contact with you, if you are ever up for it. My email address is scrappymeggie at gmail.com. I also am connected within the TTTS loss community, if that is every something that you are interested in seeking out. There are many many many of us riding in this same peculiar single-loss TTTS boat. I didn't really feel like I belonged at first because I didn't even know I had TTTS or even much about TTTS until after delivery, but it's a warm and open community of families in similar situations and it can be very healing. I wasn't made to feel weird just because I wasn't a "typical" TTTS case.
I rarely like to give advice, but I just want you to know that I don't think there is any wrong way to feel about your situation. It's complicated and it's tender and you are a mother in grief. Be gentle with yourself as you go forward. Being grateful and happy for your surviving daughter does not make you disloyal to your angel. And mourning the loss of your angel does not make you ungrateful for the blessing of your surviving daughter. I don't know if you struggle with that, but it's pretty common in the single twin-loss circle.
Anyway, sorry for the novel. My heart is just aching for you and your family. I pray you feel the Lord's love and compassion in the coming days, months, and years.
xoxo
Megan Bradshaw
I like this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkRo42AbOfQ
Traci,
ReplyDeleteI love you and am thankful that you shared your story and strength with me. I'm so sorry that you have had to endure such heartache. I wish I were there and could give you a big hug.
Love, Jenni Olson Coberly
So sorry Traci. Thanks for sharing and being so open. I know it has probably been so difficult. What a beautiful thing to know you will be with her again.
ReplyDeleteI just miscarried last week for the first time after two easy, healthy pregnancies and reading your thoughts is just so tender to me right now. Thanks for being brave enough to share your story - I'm so so sorry for your loss. Good thing families are forever.
ReplyDeleteKami, I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. My other pregnancies were normal and healthy, too. I never expected anything like this. I always thought losing a baby was something I just couldn't handle. . . somehow I am handling it. I agree with you and I am so grateful that families are forever.
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